It isn’t yet time for my weekly kitchen episode, but since I promised to put the bad on here as well as the good, I give you…this.

Oh dear. Oh dear. I’m not sure the photograph does this monstrosity justice.  It is, believe it or not, supposed to be the pecan pie I made a few weeks ago. I’ve made the pie once more since then, and it turned out wonderfully. Today was supposed to be bring-your-cake-to-work day, for Children in Need, so I thought of all the Children that were in Need and decided to make it again. Unfortunately, I only had a very small window of time between arriving home from work and leaving again for a church activity, so had to whip through it very speedily indeed. Well, I’m not a natural at whipping, as regular readers of this blog will remember.

Here is my catalogue of shame:

  • I accidentally used warm water to bind the pastry, rather than cold. It immediately morphed to the consistency of melted rubber and glued itself to my fingers.
  • The rolled-out pastry wouldn’t fit over the pie dish properly, and kept breaking into fragments.
  • While trying to sort out the pastry, I forgot about the butter that was ‘softening’ in the microwave, and rescued a flaming tub of golden lava after a few minutes.
  • Calculating that I didn’t have time to measure out and soften more butter, I used the lava anyway (don’t EVER do this).
  • When taking the partially cooked pastry out of the oven, I fumbled the dish, popped out the removable bottom, and flipped the pie case onto the oven top. It smashed, rather a lot.

Et voila: Pecan Frankenstein. Look at the way the butter separated on top of the pie. And the pie crust looks like something made by an idiot. With his eyes closed. Using his FEET.


In addition to the fierce embarrassment of making something so vile it cannot enter a human mouth, I’m also feeling exceedingly guilty about failing to help the Children in their hour of Need. Not a success, from any angle you care to look at it.